I'm on a roll so wanted to add one more post before heading to bed. I could make drinking wine while blogging a career btw! I haven't talked much about our actual wedding day yet and I will get there, but I came across the homily that our priest, Billy Shand gave on our wedding day so I wanted to post. I've known Billy since I was young and had expressed to him some of my marriage anxiety after getting engaged. Hearing this on our wedding day and then re-reading still makes me tear up.
May 16, 2009
Well, it has come to this. It was over a year ago that an email arrived from Sarah saying that she and Chris were engaged. Sarah wrote, “I’m still trying to get used to the idea of being engaged…” I hope that you’ve done that by now. In the same letter she said, “I’ve found myself focusing on what the idea of marriage means…” For the past year, I think you and Chris have been doing a lot of that, focusing on what this means. And let me tell you: As long as you live, I hope you will continue to do just that.
Marriage is an ancient institution. Its origins lie in the mist of history, and cannot be claimed as the exclusive institution of any religion or society. If we were to spend some time considering the history of this institution, we would find indeed a wide variety of interpretations and developments. Indeed, the two of you live in Northern California. As far as I know, that is part of the United States, but it is no exaggeration to say that things are, shall we say, a bit different there. I am surely not saying Maryland has everything in order, so don’t take offense. My point is just to suggest that the question you’ve been considering – “What the idea of marriage means” – is something the two of you will continue to ponder as long as you live, and I am so very happy you will.
An old bit of sentimental sugary sentiment held that marriages are made in heaven. They may be, but they are lived on earth – in places like Northern California or suburban Maryland or even I hear, South Carolina. Today you are promising to seek to establish a marriage that will bear certain characteristics: This is no longer just a relationship, it is a bond and covenant between the two of you. It can show the world the essence of the relationship between Christ and the Church by love which unites the two of you, by the comfort, honor, and faithfulness each gives to the other for as long as you live. Yours is a contract whose terms stipulate that you will work out what it means for any man and woman , and specifically the two of you, to have and hold one another from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health. And one more stipulation is that you will work on this every day for the rest of your lives. When you focus on what the idea of marriage means, don’t think just about ideas: Think about each other. You’re not marrying an idea: you, Sarah are marrying Chris, and you, Chris are marrying Sarah. All the wonderful ideas about marriage will come into focus as you live them out with each other.
And what about the rest of us? We are here for a very important reason. It is true, there is celebrating to be done, but that is not our more important role, and that is not why we are here. A moment ago, we made a promise to you in the presence of God and one another. That is a vow, and it is important. We said we would do all in our power to uphold you in this marriage. We want to hold you to account for things you promised one another – not that we are experts necessarily, but we heard you say you would try. We will hold you to that promise. And for our part, we will do that we can to uphold and encourage you in this wonderful bond and covenant that you enter today. That is our most important gift to you. We said it; we meant; and by the grace of god, we will make good on our promises too. God bless you both in every way. Amen.
